Ramblings

Ramblings: “If you describe a person’s writing as someone’s ramblings,

you are saying that it is meaningless because the person who wrote it was very confused.” (http://dictionary.reverso.net/english-cobuild/ramblings)

“All are Negative,” said the nurse on the phone, referring to Stanton’s recent blood work for food allergy testing. Negative results should feel positive…..right? So why is my heart beating double time? Why has the wind been knocked out of me? The nurse went on to say, “The only point of concern the doctor found was that Stanton’s IgE counts are low as are his pneumococcal numbers.” I feel extremely frustrated and ruffled, but somehow manage to set up a follow up appointment with the immunologist and allergist for June 23rd.

     The yin and the yang
           The good and the bad
                 The delicate balance between all and none
                       Negative and positive
                             EE or severe feeding disorder
                                   Dream or reality

My heart is crushed. All recent tests results (since April) have yielded negative results – and yet I still have a child who can not eat. His days swing the pendulum between extremes of gagging and all out vomiting wars; chronic diarrhea and terrible constipation; energy and fatigue; healthy and sick. Someone out there must be able to look at my child – all of him – and put the pieces of this puzzle together. I am filled with ramblings…

….Is this Eosinophilic Esophagits (EE) and will we continue to treat it as such?
….Is this something completely different and who will figure it out?
….Is this just a feeding disorder?
…If this is just a feeding disorder, then I’m enabling the behavior by not forcing food
…If this is EE then I’m doing all that I can do
…Can a nine day old baby be born with a feeding disorder as that’s when this nightmare started…
…It can’t be a feeding disorder
…we have an endoscopy from October that shows strictures and white plaques
… we have an x-ray from February that shows a severe narrowing of his airway…we have unexplained rashes
….we’ve had good eating days that quickly turn into chronic diarrhea and vomiting a few hours later

I’m ready for answers.
I’m ready to aggressively treat whatever it is.
My sleeves are rolled up and I’m ready to work.
I’m just waiting for the assignment.