My poor sweet Stanton has eyes so red and watery he can hardly see; a nose running a marathon and a cough that rattles our windows. It’s 4:30 am and now that the throw up has come and gone and the breathing treatment is over, I’m sitting beside him, anticipating every irregular, labored breath. He brings his shoulders up as he wheezes to breath in and moans as he breathes out. This moment…all too familiar….all too “normal” for us… simply sucks.
As we cuddled on the couch this morning, I knew this moment was coming. His nose had started running and he was constantly rubbing his eyes. He also refused all food and Elecare (his medical formula) which is a tell-tell sign….watched him carefully study this painting we have hanging in our living room.
“What are you looking at Stanton?”
“The colors.”
“What about the colors?”
“Blue is a good breath and red is bad.”
“What does a blue breath sound like?” Stanton took a nice, slow, deep breath in and out
“And what does a red breath sound like?” Stanton gasped for air and coughed.
Such wisdom for such a three year old.
This painting is titled “Fervor” based on Romans 12:11 “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”
As I sit here today, in my pjs, with three day unwashed hair, holding a baby and caring for a chronically sick three year old I find myself wondering….do I still have fervor? Is this painting still what my spirit looks like? I have to dig deep inside myself – but I’m happy to find it. Fervor, you are there! I will use this gift to stay true to our goal = a complete healing for Stanton.
Stanton spent four days in the hospital after this post
Stanton spent four days in the hospital after this post
The trenches are good at hiding the fervor (I personally struggle with losing my happiness) from ourselves. I'm glad you found it again.
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